I

Can

Only

Speak

My

Mind

Anyone have a rope for me?

October 22, 2006 - 12:20 p.m.

Geesh, what day is it? Is it even day? I just got home from the hospital. I got there 24 hours ago. My mom was admitted Thursday and is to have surgery Tuesday. Getting the RN's to give her the meds that have been ordered for her in a timely manner is imposible. I think I got about 15 minutes of sleep total and now I get to do my job work to attempt to get 'caught up', whatever that means.

As I sat there at the beginning of my appt Wednesday, my dad called to tell me that my mom was horrible again. I did the right thing for me and explained that I was at my own doctor appt and could I call him back.

About an hour and a half later, my sis inlaw called me to let me know they took her to the ER and all that was going on. I explained to her that I was still at my appt and could I call her back.

When I got done giving up my 20 vials, being examined by 2 docs, tested on how fast I could walk, put pegs in a puzzle and add numbers in my head, answering 20 pages of questions on my symptoms and condition and started up my new car, my phone rang again....... my dad. She was home and doing better.

I came home, slept six hours and got up long enough to pick up Fred and Squeak from school (they stayed after for 'game night') get them ice cream and come back home to go back to sleep!

I slept through the night. I don't remember the last time I did that. Do you think I was exhausted?

First thing Thursday morning, my dad calls me on my cell phone to tell me they called 911 the night before because mom had gotten so bad again. Apparently they've moved from the thriving city they've lived in for the past 20 years to bum fruck egypt because they sent her back home, by ambulance because she was too weak to get in a wheelchair to get into there car to get home. But by all means, she must be well enough to be discharged from the ER.

As he's telling me all of this, the office phone is ringing and it's for me. Fred is calling to tell me I'm going to be mad because he and Squeak are both sick and I'm going to have to take them to school instead of them riding their morning bus. (it's different than the afternoon bus that I refused to let them on until it has a new driver)

Dad's in my right ear on my cell, Fred is in my left ear on the office phone. I'm desperately looking for a rope to hang myself!

Ended up with them bring mom over her to her neurosurgeon who admitted her (duh) to control her pain, get her hydrated, rested and nourished so he can do surgery Tuesday.

Naturally, I'm neglecting my own needs and health because it's my mom and they are not following the orders I heard the doctor give them.

She begged me to stay with her last night, so I did. I left as my dad arrived so I could come home to eat and work online (oops, not doing that yet), shower, change clothes and go back for another night with her only to have to be at work tomorrow morning at 8.

I'm being tested. I really didn't need all of this right now, but neither did she, so I will just keep going until I cannot move another inch.

Yeah, I'm an idiot.